Even ONE of the following numerous howlers would make front page news in any newspaper in the world if taken seriously.

We say they must be taken seriously. And if you are serious about Rowling and Potter and serious about the utter bosh that has been put into your head about them, that you have hitherto believed to be the ‘truth’, it would be a gesture of respect towards yourself, and whatever moral integument is left to the human race, to read on.

(1) Rowling originated and wrote the whole thing alone, over seven years.

(2) She went through hell and fire in the talons of poverty in Edinburgh for the sake of ‘her’ book.

(3) She had been writing furiously day and night since June 1990.

(4) She forgot to mention to her “bibliophile” mother who was dying that she was writing a book with single-minded dedication and had “the greatest idea ever” going for her. Mind you, it is hard to lie to one’s mother.

(5) She forgot to mention it to her sister too, until it was finished.

(6) She was ‘discovered’ by Little at an unspecified time in 1995.

(7) Little’s office manager Bryony Evens finds the book by accident in the slush pile not knowing a thing about it.

(8) Twelve publishers were contacted from this unspecified time in 1995 to June 1996, one at time to save postage.

(9) That’s because Christopher Little, representing Alistair Maclean’s estate etc, etc and having furnished Bloomsbury with Hewitt’s book on the princess for which they paid $4.5 million is absolutely skint.

(10) Bloomsbury who published 150 odd books in 1994 are also skint.

(11) Bloomsbury’s children’s fiction editor Barry Cunningham is introduced to Christopher Little at the Frankfurt Book Fair of 1995 for the very first time, by Nigel Newton of Bloomsbury. Little as literary agent who set up shop in 1986 and Cunningham ten years deputy chief editor at Penguin ( Puffin) and thence Random House never once had occasion to meet.

(12) There Cunningham tells Little he is looking for “something special” in children’s writing for his new list.

(13) Little forgets to mention Harry Potter that “made my toes curl”. And waits until June the following year to send him the book. A last ditch attempt.

(14) Bloomsbury of London is the 13th publisher to get the manuscript in June 1996.

(15) Cunningham has no strong links with Edinburgh except via his first cousin Malcolm Robertson and his wife Vanessa who run a publishing outfit there.

(16) Rowling just happens to be living in Leith since 1993 where Cunningham’s dad was born and where he has “hundreds of relatives”. He never heard of Rowling before 1995. But again, he has no strong links with any of them, and wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near Edinburgh, even when he is wearing his tartan.

(17) Neither Cunningham, Newton or Little knew about the existence of the book until the mid-nineties. God sent them Potter. A “blessing” as Calder put it.

(18) The book is sent out by Rowling because her sister Di read a bit and laughed. If she hadn’t laughed Rowling would have packed it all in right there, even though it was keeping her sane. Without Harry she “would have gone stark, raving mad”. You have to sympathize. How she must have longed for the serene sanity of her days with Jorge.

(19) Neither Cunningham, Newton nor Little knew of the existence of Rowling until they come across her in 1995.

(20) Cunningham, Newton and Little are all iffy about the book. Neither she nor they will make any money out of it. They break it to her gently. After decades in publishing they haven’t a clue about books and this one just came out of the blue.

(21) They buy the book because they feel sorry for Rowling and her deprived child.

(22) Neither Newton, Cunningham, Little, co-founder Calder nor marketing manager de la Hey have ever come across anything like Potter.

(23) Cunningham finds out just prior to handing over the paltry advance to Rowling that she is writing a series. He is numplussed. Nobody mentioned it to him.

(24) She has this entire series all planned out. In fact in 1990 she “had already written the last chapter of Book Seven”.

(25) They take a shot in the dark and publish 500 copies. There is no hope it will be a success. They want children to discover the no-hoper by themselves.

(26) They make little mention of the other six impending books in the series as it is of no importance.

(27) They cannot afford to market the book anyway which is why they don’t.

(28) They give Rowling £1,500.

(29) Cunninhgam meets Rowling for the very first time in late 1996. They have a four course meal at a bistro in Soho.

(30) They hope against hope that it will make its way by word of mouth.

(31) Had it not been for Newton’s eight year old daughter Alice who read a little Potter before bedtime and wanted more Rowling and Harry would never have been ‘discovered”. Her dad hadn’t read it at all despite all the excitement in his offices. And might not have, had it not been for little Alice.

(32) Arthur Levine of Scholastic ‘discovers’ the book at the Bologna Book Fair in 1996.

(33) Arthur knows not of Newton or Bloomsbury and has no dealings whatever with them prior to 1996. Neither Bloomsbury nor its American founder Nigel Newton know a thing about Scholastic, the biggest publishing house in America. Never in a million years would they ever dream of phoning them up. No reason to.

(34) Janet Hogarth who, quite by chance, moved from Bloomsbury to Scholastic Inc. doesn’t mention the Harry Potter book to Levine. She doesn’t know amnesia is rife at Bloomsbury and could well have been brought there by Little or Blair. Cunningham is a man of few words. Calder has a very bad dose that was to get worse as the days went by. By the time Rowling has made her a millionaire several times over she scarcely remembers what she looks like. In 2008 she confesses that she had “only met her a few times”. Hogarth now working for Scholastic never met their man in New York, Arthur Levine. She wonders what she is doing there.

(35) It is by pure chance Arthur came across the book at Bloomsbury’s stall at the Bologna Book Fair. A shy girl hands him the book from under the counter. They took it there because it “hadn’t a hope of being sold”. Nobody goes to a book fair unless it be to buy or sell foreign rights to their books but the girl from Bloomsbury doesn’t know that.

(36) Levine buys the book after a bidding frenzy in New York in late 1997. He pays Rowling $105,000 for it as he is eager to take a chance on an unknown author, who, despite the mountains of written material she has stashed in her wee flat, and for all her industry, is an unpublished writer who doesn’t expect to be published and never once even tried to get published either.

(37) Rowling, via a phone-call from her agent Little, gets to listen in on the bidding between ten other publishers going on in faraway New York. They all want the book Bloomsbury were so iffy about and could not afford to market. And are prepared to pay a fortune for it, all eleven of them.

(38) All at Bloomsbury are shocked pink when the book sells 150,000 copies in a matter of months.

(39) Little “never expected”…..dedum deda.

(40) Rowling “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(41) Cunningham “never expected”… dedum deda.

(42) Newton “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(43) De la Hey “never expected” …. dedum deda.

(44) Liz Calder “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(45) Malcolm Robertson “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(46) Neil Blair “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(47) Patrick Walsh “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(48) Janet Hogarth “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(49) Bryony Evens “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(50) Arthur Levine “never expected”…. dedum deda.

(51) “No one would ever have expected”…. dedum deda. ( British Press una voce).

(52) None of the bit actors know Rowling very well. Calder met her “ a few times”. Probably too busy counting her loot to notice her chattering to Cunningham in the corner. Above all, they hate having their photos taken with her even more than they hate speaking about her in public, the one who made them all rich.

changed March 25, 2012